7. Why MUST You Revise?

This facsimile of the opening sentences of the Declaration of Independence has been reproduced to dramatize another important principle in writing: First words are rarely the best words. As you see, Thomas Jefferson, the writer of the fa­mous document, made frequent revisions before he was satis­fied with his sentences.

So does any writer of any worth. Go to the library some­time and ask to see other original manuscripts. You will be astounded at the numerous deletions, insertions, and correc­tions that were made even after an author had apparently de­cided upon his final copy.

The picture of a writer sitting at a typewriter surrounded by torn or crushed pieces of paper is no exaggeration. The graceful phrase, the vivid description, the witty dialogue don't come in a flash and then get poured out on the spot. The general shape and direction of the material, yes; this does reveal itself rather suddenly at times. But the word patterns have to be worked on, in the manner of a skilled cabinetmaker who goes over and over a piece of furniture until he produces the fine finish he wants.

That's why the professional writer regards his initial ef­fort as only the beginning. To get his material to sound just right, he knows he will have to rewrite—and rewrite—and re­write. He may have to spend as much as an hour on a single sentence! Why, I just checked my own manuscript (which I always write out in long hand first). I counted over fifteen changes that I made in the paragraphs that appear on this page alone. Heaven knows how many more there will be be­fore the editor and I are satisfied with the final result.

You can see, then, why it is reasonable to say that you should not let your composition stay as it is the first time you write it, why you should not be in a hurry to hand it in. In­stead, you should get into the habit of starting with a rough draft and then polishing it up as much as you can in the time available to you. If you want your compositions to reflect your best ability, you have no choice. Think of the problems you face when you first put your ideas down. You have to make sure that you stay on the subject, that your paragraphs are properly developed, that you record a thought as quickly as possible before you forget it, and that you have generally satisfied the required number of words. You are concentrating on getting the general form of the composition to take shape. However, handing in a paper that hasn't been worked over is like appearing in public with half your clothes on. You will be recognized, but you surely will not make a very good impression.

In all this talk about revision, one problem stands out that can be solved only by you. You readily accept the need for "fixing up" your work. Doubtless you were convinced even before you read this chapter. But getting you to discipline yourself to put into regular practice what you know is neces­sary is something else again. It's much the same as with the outline. Young writers are impatient to begin, and then can't stand the sight of what they have written after they have finished. On the one hand you tell yourself that you will waste time if you don't plan carefully. On the other, you take a "What's the use?" attitude and tell yourself that you won't be able to make many improvements anyway.

Perhaps there was some justice formerly in both your con­clusions. If you didn't know how to prepare a useful outline quickly, you may well have been wasting time when you tried one. You can't, however, fall back upon that excuse any longer. There is nothing difficult or time-consuming about the method you learned in Chapter 4.

In the matter of revision, too, you may have become dis­couraged because you were going about it in the wrong way. If you just read your paper over and hoped you would find some errors, you couldn't make many improvements. If you don't look for something specific, you won't find it. You must train yourself to be systematic about your revisions, to read your paper over several times, each time with a different purpose in mind.

Before we discuss the various re-reading steps, let's settle the question of time. In an examination you are fighting the clock. You usually have about an hour to begin and end a composition. You have all you can do to finish, let alone re­vise. In Chapter 12 I'll show you how to apportion your time so that even under such conditions you will have some time left for revision. We can agree, however, that when you write a piece at home you are not pressed as a rule. You can afford an extra fifteen minutes or so to get the job done right. It is on this assumption that I present you now with a four step program that will help you raise the quality of your com­positions—if you use it!

Write your rough draft with spaces between the lines to leave room for revision later. Work quickly and concentrate mainly on getting your ideas down on paper in as attrac­tive and orderly a fashion as you can. Don't worry too much about mechanical errors. You'll get to them in time. When you have finished writing, go over your work four times, each time focusing on a different problem. Once you have mas­tered the techniques, you will be able to handle the various steps in about 20 minutes or less for every 300 words you write. Here's how it's done.

√ First Reading—Check Your Paragraphs. Pretend some­one else wrote your composition. Just try to get the general flow of the ideas. As you read, check each of the following:

1. Does the opening lead smoothly into the middle? If not, add what is needed to establish better continuity.
2. Have you indented for each paragraph? Where you haven't, insert this symbol (¶) at the point requiring the in dentation.
3. Does one of the paragraphs sound disorganized because it is missing a topic sentence? Write one in then and there, but make sure all the other sentences point toward it.
4. Are there any sentences in the middle of a paragraph that don't belong, that have drifted away from the main idea? Cross them out. Don't try to tie them in somehow; the result is usually no improvement.
5. Check with your outline. Have you failed to put in a few details you had planned for? Add them, but do not disturb the continuity between the sentences.
6. Does your concluding paragraph really conclude? Does it give a final charge of interest? If it doesn't, rewrite it.

7) Have you stayed within the limits of your topic? It may be too late to do anything about this if it is an examination. But few teachers will object if you alter the topic just a bit to accommodate your ideas better.

√ Second Reading—Check Your Sentences. This is the heart of your composition. Poor sentence structure leads to dullness and an unsatisfactory rating. Take your time about this phase of your revision.

1. Have you maintained good continuity between sentences? Insert a word or phrase where it is needed.
2. Have you put the periods and other stop signs at the end of legitimate sentences? Read each sentence aloud (you can learn to do this without uttering a sound). Listen for fragments and run-ons. If you have a weakness in this area, take care. This is by far the worst mistake you can make. It may even be necessary for you to sacrifice some of the other items to concentrate almost all your attention on this problem if experience has proved to you that you make a few sentence errors in every composition. Most teachers will automatically fail a paper that has more than one sentence error in it.

Don't take any chances. If a sentence looks rather long and complicated, and you aren't sure whether it would pass, don't try to patch it up. Break it up into smaller units. Then read each one aloud again. Be very careful of bits you have added as afterthoughts while you were writing. They can turn out to be fragments, like these:

I looked back over my shoulder. Which was a mistake. Some of us were lying on a mat at the edge of the pool. Just talk­ing and eating popsicles.

3. Do you have enough sentence variety? Check to see that you haven't followed the monotonous pattern of subject, verb, modifiers, in almost every sentence. If you have time, and you will when you write at home, try some of the sug­gestions made before about the use of dialogue, questions, exclamations, inverted order, etc.

√ Third Reading——Check Mechanical Errors. It is your responsibility as a writer to make a continuing effort to im­prove your ability in spelling, punctuation, usage, and other mechanical aspects of composition. It would be an intrusion on my part at this time to try to give you a rapid review of all the errors it is possible to make in any one piece of writ­ing. It can't be done profitably in the space available here, nor would it be wise even if this book were to be doubled in length. Good habits must be developed over the years through persistent effort. They cannot magically be acquired by reading once again a few chapters on the correctness of expression that your English teachers have been patiently trying to explain and drill since you were seven years of age. To stop now to go over the thousand and one petty errors that are made in the use of our language would throw the emphasis in the wrong direction.

A high level of competence in mechanics is, of course, in­dispensable. You must redouble your efforts, if you are weak in fundamentals, to absorb the instruction given you daily in your English classroom. You must do independent review, also, in the many fine textbooks on good usage that are available in school and out. It is your job. No one can do it for you. Get this straight once and for all: until you write with reasonable accuracy, you cannot hope to receive satis­factory grades, no matter how well-designed, interesting, and creative your compositions are. Indeed, you can master every chapter in this book and still fail if you can't spell, punctuate, or write a grammatically sound sentence.

We will concentrate on the seven errors that college in­structors agree are most commonly found in papers written by students fresh out of high school, the mistakes that lead to an F in freshman composition. These do not include sen­tence structure, which we have already talked about. Get busy and do something about any one of them that is inter­fering with your success in writing. So far as our revision program is concerned, in this, your third reading, look out for:

1.         Spelling— If a word doesn't seem right, look it up in a dictionary at once. Keep a private list of words you misspell and study one a day faithfully. On an examination, where no references are permitted, my advice is quite simple. Change the word, and check the doubtful one at another time. Some instructors regard more than two spelling errors on a paper as sufficient grounds for failure.

Be alert to the simple little words and problems that ac­count for many mistakes. Is it its or it's that you want to use; your or you're, to or too, boys or boy's, tables or table's? Have you put in capital letters where they belong? What about names and titles? They count, too, you know. Never, but never, try to cover up a spelling uncertainty by delib­erately making your handwriting illegible at one syllable. The marker is well aware of such tricks and will be doubly resentful. Don't use words you have heard somewhere but haven't bothered checking. Some silly-looking spellings often result this way. Keep your language as simple as possible if you are a poor speller. Your ideas will be clearer anyway, and you won't run into so many difficulties. For a complete at­tack on the whole problem, you might get a copy of my book Six Minutes a Day to Perfect Spelling.*

2.         Punctuation—The primary purpose of all punctuation is to aid understanding. Using too many marks, therefore, can be more confusing than not using enough. As a matter of fact, current practice is to keep punctuation marks at a minimum. Your best guide, then, is to use a mark only when it is required. If you can't think of a rule to justify a comma or a semicolon, for example, don't invent one. Just keep on writing.

We have already mentioned periods and other stop signs. These are really part of sentence structure, and require no further comment. We can pass right on to the comma, which is the most frequently used internal mark of punctuation. With this one it is particularly important to remember: When in doubt, leave it out! These are the five most common uses:

*Published by Washington Square Press, Inc., New York (W 50, 35¢).

Series—three or more words, phrases, or clauses running consecutively

§ The closet was cluttered with old shoes, several ten­nis rackets, and some fishing equipment.

§ My routine consisted of getting up at six, washing and dressing in fifteen minutes, and then driving almost twenty miles.

§ Part of the crowd was already on its feet, other spec­tators were struggling to get up, but all were roaring words of encouragement.

Introductory—words, phrases, or clauses appearing before the subject of the main clause

§ Consequently, we decided to stay overnight.

§ Without a moment's hesitation, he plunged into the river.

§ Since the guests were beginning to arrive, I rushed upstairs to dress.

Parenthetical—expressions that are added to a sentence but are not essential to the main thought

May I leave it out? Yes.
Do I use commas? Yes.
May I leave it out? No.
Do I use commas? No.

§ The ancient Ford, one might say, had seen better days.

§ A person who gets so angry is probably guilty of something.

§ Mr. Forbes, who gets so angry, is usually guilty of something.

§ The beginning, I'm sure, will not be too dull. § The package, however, did not arrive.

§ Bill Thompson, an old friend, will come for the weekend.

Direct address—repeating the reference to the person ad­dressed for emphasis

§ You, boy, get your feet off.

§ We both know, Ellen, how hurt you are.

Conjunctions—with and, but, and for when the subject in the second clause changes

§ I hadn't meant to come late, but the traffic on the parkways was heavy.

§ The snow fell gently at first but soon became a blinding storm.

§ The starter suddenly raised his gun, and the run­ners tensed for the breakaway.

Don't put a comma in because you think there should be a pause. In reading aloud, it is often appropriate to stop momentarily for breath intake or for added emphasis, but this does not mean that a mark of punctuation is needed each time this is done. Follow the rules, not your impulses about commas.

As for the other marks—semicolons, colons, parentheses, brackets, dashes, quotations—if you use any, be sure they belong. I must repeat that it is your responsibility to learn how to handle punctuation, to practice until you can apply it correctly and automatically. A few cautions, however, are worth discussing here:

Semicolon—The most frequent use is in place of a con­junction between independent clauses. But you can't use this mark between any two clauses; the second must grow out of the first, be closely connected to it, or you are guilty of a sentence error.

Right: The rain had stopped an hour before;

the sheets were quite dry.

Wrong: The rain had stopped an hour before;

I was getting hungry.

If you aren't certain that the two clauses are related closely enough, use a period and don't look for trouble.

Dash—This mark indicates a sharp break in the construc­tion of a sentence like this.

§ We were just turning the corner—stop that, Tommy!

§ They will get here soon—it they ever do.

The mistake made by inexperienced writers in using the dash is that they become so fond of this mark that they pep­per their papers with it. Like the exclamation mark, when it is used too often, the effect is lost. One dash a page is more than enough. Another thing is this. Students sometimes try to make dashes take the place of legitimate punctuation and are subsequently very unhappy about what is done to their papers by the teacher.

Exclamation—Again, don't overdo it. A startling state­ment now and then may help, but if the exclamation mark appears in every other sentence, you produce a "Cry wolf" situation. The reader stops being impressed. Besides, you can't create artificial excitement by a punctuation mark. Words and ideas do it properly.

Quotations—At one time quotation marks were used for slang expressions and other colloquialisms. Nowadays, if the language is appropriate for the tone of the composition, you need not single out particular expressions. Should a phrase be doubtful in your own mind, rather than use quotation marks, leave it out altogether.

Remember, if you are writing dialogue, you must para­graph each time there is a change of speakers.

Watch out for sentence errors in dialogue. They count just as much here as in the rest of the composition.

3. Agreement—Check every subject and verb to make sure that singular nouns or pronouns have been matched with singular verbs, and plural with plural. Be on your guard for these:

§ There were a torn sweater and an old pair of socks on the bed.

§ The main ingredient is crushed pineapples.

§ It is one of those gadgets that are very popular these days.

§ Every one of the spectators was chilled to the bone.

§ A list of papers, books·, and pamphlets was re­quired on the last page.

§ Neither the players nor the coach was satisfied.

§ Neither the coach nor the players were satisfied.

§ Along the dock were boats of every description.

4. Reference—Every pronoun you use must refer to a clearly identifiable antecedent. Don't do this:

My mother and sister came in at that moment. She began to scold me before I could say a word. Then she joined her, too.

(Who is "she" or "her"?)

Do this instead:

My mother and sister came in at that moment. Mom began to scold me before I could say a word, and Sally joined in, too.

Be sure, also, to check the agreement of references:

§ Each of the players was assigned his own locker.

§ A store that does business that way will close be­fore its lease runs out.

Don't introduce a pronoun if it has nothing in the previous sentence to refer to, as in this example:

§ We had lots of fun in Canada. They have the best hockey players there. ("Wrong)

§ We had lots of fun in Canada. The best hockey players live there. (Right)

4. Dangling Expressions—Every modifying word, phrase, or clause must be clearly attached to the word it modifies.

Not this:

§ He only had about thirty cents.

§ Having walked for several hours, the house was still not in sight.

(Did the house walk?)

§ The suspect was brought into the station by the detective, wearing handcuffs and looking a little dazed.

But this:

§ He had only about thirty cents.

§ We had walked for several hours, but the house was still not in sight.

§ The suspect, wearing handcuffs and looking a little dazed, was brought into the station by the detective.

6. Verbs—One of the problems here arises out of what is called sequence of tenses. Once you have started a para­graph in a particular time, you must stay in that time until the end, and not do this:

He came into the class several weeks after I did. At first he didn't seem to notice me. Then he starts to look my way and borrows things every chance he gets.

The paragraph should have progressed this way:

He came into the class several weeks after I did. At first he didn't seem to notice me. Then he started to look my way and borrowed things every chance he got. (Since the paragraph was begun in the past tense, it should have stayed there.)

Another problem with verbs arises out of your use of irregular forms:

Present	Progressive	Past	Perfect (has, have, had)
see	seeing	saw	seen
do	doing	did	done
He	lying	lay	lain
lay	laying	laid	laid
drink	drinking	drank	drunk
cost	costing	cost	cost
begin	beginning	began	begun

 These are but a few examples. There are more than one hundred others like them. You simply have to learn the principal parts of the irregular verb forms by practicing sample sentences containing them until your response is automatic. In a composition, if you aren't sure of a form, don't use it. There is always another verb that will serve as well.

7. Consistent Structure—Here, too, the problems fall into two categories. The first involves the person that is used in the paragraph. As with the sequence of tenses, if you have committed yourself to the third person (he, she, it, they, etc.), you can't suddenly switch to the second (you), as this writer did:

A visitor to New York City would be amazed at its wonders. Most out-of-townies want to see Greenwich Village, a city within a city. The visitor can enjoy the cafes, art galleries, and shops. Or you can go uptown to Times Square to see movies, plays, and penny arcades, in the summer you can go to Coney Island, or the newcomer can watch major league baseball in Yankee Stadium.

(Each "you" should have been "he.")

The second error in consistent structure occurs when the writer fails to maintain what is called parallelism. Note these:

Wrong: The drill consisted of passing, dribbling, and a layup shot.
On the farm I enjoyed most the milking of the cows, the feeding of the chickens, and to take a walk down the road after dinner. She was tail, hail, and wasn't dressed very well either.

Right: The drill consisted of passing, dribbling, and shooting a layup.

On the farm I enjoyed most the milking of the cows, the feeding of the chickens, and the taking of a walk down the road after din­ner.

(This would be even better if it read "... milking the cows, feeding the chickens, and walking down the road after dinner.")

Parallelism is just another example of the matching principle in our language. When you join constructions or run them in series, each of the elements must be of the same design. The first exercise above was changed because there were two participles (or gerunds) followed by a regular noun. All three should have been the same. In the second one, the in­finitive phrase did not match the others, and in the third a clause followed two adjectives. Thus, the latter must be changed to fit and becomes:

She was tall, frail, and poorly dressed.

We have reviewed the major errors you should look for when you read your paper over for the third time. Whether you find some of these or others that we haven't discussed, you will make progress in your efforts to clean up your work mechanically only if you pledge now never to commit the same mistake twice. Look it up; work on it; get rid of it!

√ Fourth Reading——Check Language interest: The last time you go over your paper, your objective is to dress it up so that your language makes the material interesting to read. You must eliminate the dull spots and find the best words to express your thoughts and ideas.

1. Look for needless repetition. Count the number of times a particular word or phrase has appeared in a paragraph. Use the methods of elimination or substitution to correct the possible monotony.
2. Streamline your sentence structure so that all waste words are removed. Try to make your statements direct, concrete, and positive.
3. Make at least five changes per paragraph insofar as individual words are concerned. Pick a noun here, a verb there, and exchange it for a word that is more colorful, more active, more emotional. Set your mind to it, and you will have little trouble thinking of better words than the ones you used originally.

Four readings sound like a lot of work. They aren't, really. If you are faithful and careful about the preparation of your outline, try diligently to follow the suggestions about good paragraph and sentence structure while you write the rough draft, you will have very little to do during the first two readings. As your mechanical competence in usage improves, the third reading will reveal only a few corrections. When you find that most of your time is spent on the fourth review, you will have reached the ideal point in revision. You may even be able to combine some of the first three steps and go through the paper only twice and do the bulk of your re­writing in the pepping up of your language. Whatever you do, try never to hand in a composition that hasn't been roughed out first.

The exercises in this chapter will be confined to a single student composition that you will be asked to revise in ac­cordance with the plan just presented. This is how we will do it. The original composition, with all the mistakes, will be shown to you. The lines will be numbered so that reference to the sentences can easily be made. Read the paper and jot down what changes you would make in the paragraph struc­ture. Then go over it a second time and correct any sentence problems, again recording the revisions you have made. Dur­ing the third reading, make note of mechanical errors that need attention, and finally, during the fourth reading, improve the language (at least five changes per paragraph). Rewrite the composition after you have done the work of revision. Only then should you compare your results with the ones at the end of the chapter. See how close you came to the second version of the original that will be presented last.

ORIGINAL COMPOSITION

Fishing Can Be Fun

1Fishing can be fun and it is for me. With the right

1. equipment and some good luck, that is. Owning a small
2. fourteen foot boat and a fifteen horsepower engine, fish-
3. ing is my weekly sport during the warm summer months.
4. When í pick up the paper and read the outdoor column in
5. the beginning of April and see that the flounders are once
6. more in the bay, I simply flip. Then the fever hits you
7. and all the tackle is pulled out for necessary repairs.

9Of course April weather isn't the nicest, nor are

1. the flounders the biggest, like a fool I go fishing
2. just the same. Then May rolls in. The weather still
3. isn't the nicest but the weakfish in Peconic Bay puts
4. the flounders to shame. Weakfish are the most fun when
5. caught with a spinning outing. Every good fisherman
6. must have some light tackle if he really wants to have
7. fun. Even a one pound fish is fun with a light rod. By
8. June, practically everything is good, even the weather.
9. My boat is kept on a trailer so that í can go from one
   iç bay to another, depending upon the fishing conditions you

20are looking for.
21However my greatest enjoyment is July. Then its good-

1. bye to the bay and the devil with the weather. When the
2. bluefish come in I am lost to everything else. Bluefish
3. are the most fun to all fisherman. Then its onshore to
   

25all and out to the acid grounds, where most of the big

1. blues hide. I caught one twelve pounds two summers ago
2. and I shall never forget it This blue jumped water about
3. eight times before I finally gaffed him into the boat.

29 Yes, fishing can be fun. You may get soaking wet,

1. hooked in a finger by some unexperienced nearbye dope,
2. bit by a fish or even catch your thumb in a skimmer
3. clam as I did once. But just think of the fun you have.
4. Telling those numerous tales to friends and hearing of
5. their experiences. Well, I enjoy fishing anyway.

Before indicating the revisions, I want to point out that ordinarily the rough draft would be written or typed with ample space between the lines to provide for writing in the changes. But the limitations set by the size of a page in a paperback book make that impractical here. You understand, I'm sure, that in your own work you would not have to list the changes; you would make them right on the paper. The numbered lines should enable you to follow recommendations easily enough and the rewritten composition at the end will act as a summary.

/ First Reading—Paragraph Revision

1. Eliminate With the right equipment and some good luck, that is (1. 1, 2). No development of this point is made in the body of the composition; therefore, it shouldn't be introduced in the opening paragraph. (Incidentally, did you notice that this piece is a fragment, not a sentence?)
2. Insert a topic sentence at the beginning of Paragraph II to add unity:

With my rig all set, I am ready for the early season thrills.
Otherwise, there is no clear-cut central idea.

1. Eliminate Weakftsh . . . (1. 13) plus everything else up to with a light rod (1. 16). These three sentences have drifted off the main idea of the paragraph.
2. Add a few details to Paragraph II because it sounds like a reading of the calendar:

(1. 11) after just the same. To be truthful, I come home chilled, half-drowned, and empty-handed some­times during the rainy part of the spring.

(1. 11) after May rolls in. Sudden downpours, squalls, and freezing mornings are still a threat, but the weak-fish ...
(1. 17) after is in good. The skies are clear, the wa­ters are calm, and the fish practically leap out de­manding to be caught.

5)   Add a concluding sentence after (1. 28) to bring Para­
graph III to a better finish:

I wish July were twelve months long.

6)         Eliminate Weil, I enjoy fishing anyway (1. 34) to avoid
a wishy-washy ending paragraph.

√ Second Reading—Sentence Revision

1. Add continuity (1. 18):This is when my boat is kept . . .
2. Correct run-on error (1. 10). Add but after the comma to connect the two clauses legitimately.
3. Correct fragment (1. 33). Write it thus:. . . fun you have telling those . . .
4. Change sentence beginning But just think . . . (1. 32) to question:

But won't you have fun . . . This will aid sentence variety.

√ Third Reading—Mechanics Revision

1)         Spelling:

it's for its (I 21)

it's for its (1. 24)

inexperienced for unexperienced (1. 30)

nearby for nearbye (1. 30)

humorous for humerous (1. 33)

2)         Punctuation:

Add comma after you (1. 7)

" " " Of course (1. 9)

" " before but (1. 12)

" " after However (1. 21)

" " " in (1. 23)

Remove comma after grounds (1. 25) Add comma after fish (1. 31)

3)         Agreement:

put for puts (1. 12) (Weakfish is being used in a plural sense.)

4)         Dangling Expressions:

Change (1. 2) to read:

I own a small . . . engine, and fishing . . .

5)         Verbs:

bitten for bit (1. 31)

6)         Parallelism:

caught by your thumb for catch your thumb (1. 31)

√ Fourth Reading—Language Revision

Paragraph I:

1. Eliminate and it is for me (1. 1). It is obvious and therefore unnecessary.
2. Eliminate fishing is (1. 3) because it is repetitious. Add . . . can enjoy my weekly sport . . .
3. Eliminate the beginning of (1. 6)
4. Change position of in April to follow the paper (1. 6) because it follows time more logically when it refers to when the paper is picked up.
5. Add comma after April; eliminate and, in (1. 5)me for you (1. 7) Actually this correction belongs under consistency of structure (Third Reading), but you will often find that you pick up an error even when you are looking for other things. That's the value of more than one reading of a paper.

Paragraph II:

1. is rather fickle for isn't the nicest (1. 9)
2. / keep my boat for my boat is kept (1. 18)
3. life behind a rod and reel becomes beautiful for practically everything is in good (1. 17)
4. I for you (1. 19)
5. Condense depending upon the fishing conditions I am looking for to depending upon conditions (1. 19)

Paragraph III:

1. occurs in for is (1. 21)
2. Eliminate to all fishermen (1. 24)
3. Eliminate offshore to all and (1. 24)
4. Add that weighed after one (1. 26)
5. He for This blue (1. 27)
   

Paragraph TV:

1. is fun for can be fun (1. 29)
2. listening to for hearing of (1. 33)
3. their lies as well for their experiences (1. 34)

REVISED COMPOSITION

Fishing Can Be Fun

Fishing can be fun. I own a small fourteen foot boat and a fifteen horsepower engine and can enjoy my weekly sport during the warm summer months. When í pick up the paper in April, read the outdoor column, and see the flounders are once more in the bay, I flip. Then the fever hits me, and all the tackle is pulled out for necessary repairs.

With my rig all set, I am ready for the early season thrills. Of course, April weather is rather fickle, but like a fool I go fishing just the same. To be truthful, í come home chilled, half-drowned, and empty-handed some­times during the rainy part of the spring. Then May rolls in. Sudden downpours, squalls, and freezing mornings are still a threat, but the weakfish in Peconic Bay put the flounder to shame, and I must try out my light tackle. By June, life behind a rod and reel becomes beautiful. The skies are clear, the waters are calm, and the fish practically leap out demanding to be caught. This is when I keep my boat on a trailer so that I can go from one bay to another, depending on conditions.

However, my greatest enjoyment occurs in July. Then it's good-bye to the bay and the devil with the weather. When the bluefish come in, I am lost to everything else because these babies are the most fun. Then it's out to the acid grounds where most of the blues hide. Two sum­mers ago I caught one that weighed twelve pounds and I shall never forget it. He jumped water about eight times before I finally gaffed him into the boat. I wish July were twelve months long.

Yes, fishing is fun. You may get soaking wet, hooked in a finger by some inexperienced nearby dope, bitten by a fish, or even caught by your thumb in a skimmer clam as I did once. But won t you have a time telling those humorous tales to friends and listening to their lies as well?

Did you notice that as this composition was rewritten a few more changes were added, especially in Paragraphs II and III? This is really the final suggestion about revision. Even after you have made your alterations on the rough draft, you may still see something else if you rewrite care­fully. That's fine. Your last copy will be that much better.

At this point you may be thinking that I, a professional teacher, would naturally find many things to improve in any paper, whereas a student might not spot half the possibilities. Suppose this is so. Wouldn't you say, however, that a revised composition with just 50% of the potential improvements would still be vastly superior to the original and certainly worth the effort involved in rewriting it? And certainly worth a higher rating?

For added practice in this section, you might try revising some of the numerous paragraphs and whole compositions that have been used in this book for illustrative purposes. See whether you can lift the quality of an ordinary or un­satisfactory sample to a superior level

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